Ten reasons why Daniel Bryan sucks and five pointers on how he can become good

Ever since Daniel Bryan came to the WWE, all I have heard from people is how great he is, how he is the best worker in the business today.  While Bryan is indeed a fine worker in the ring, there are a number of reasons he is nowhere near up to par with all the former Money in the Bank briefcase holders.  Ten reasons to be precise..

1. He looks like a pretentious art student, not a wrestler.  As Michael Cole wisely said, he looks like he should be a barista in a coffee shop.  Probably a vegan one.

2. He is almost on par with Rey Mysterio for size but tries to get over using moves like kicks instead of speed and high flying.  His kicks don't look tough, they look weak and ineffective.

3. He says he is a submission master, but I've only ever seen him perform 3, maybe 4 submission moves in a WWE ring.  How many credible opponents has he made tap?  Not many.  The Lebell lock looks like a weak version of the Crippler Crossface.  Even Hunico (as the fake Sin Cara) did a better version of the Lebell Lock on Bryan that made the "submission master" look lame by comparison.

4. When Daniel Bryan gets "intense" in his matches I don't recall the likes of Chris Benoit or Goldberg, instead I think of when Jamie Noble used to get angry in his matches.  He looks like a midget comedy figure, not a bad-ass.

5. He has one of the corniest theme tunes ever, based on a flamboyant Wagner piece and the production of the track sounds as bad as a TNA theme.  His debut theme in WWE was great, but he buried it in one of his trademark dull promos by calling it a "generic rock song" and ever since then he has had an array of crap themes that don't make him look like a bad-ass at all.  They make him look like a joke.

6. Stupid people slate Cena for having only "5 moves of doom", but Bryan is even worse.  A running flip off the turnbuckle, followed by ducking a clothesline then hitting his own clothesline.  The same kicks to the chest while his opponent kneels in every match.  The Lebell lock and the Cattle Mutilation which he can never lock in properly because he's too small (so he ends up just stamping on his opponent's thighs instead) - that's only 4 moves of doom, even worse than Cena.  Unless you count the flip off the turnbuckle, then you've got your 5.

7. When Michael Cole stands face to face with Bryan, Cole looks like the tougher son of a bitch.  Cole cuts a much better promo.  Cole is overall better star than Daniel Bryan...  Cole is an announcer, not a wrestler!

8. His promos are boring and the only time he has ever had a decent promo is when Michael Cole has carried him through one.

9. When he first came to the WWE he had an arrogance that he was better than his NXT "pro" The Miz.  He wasn't, and still isn't.  The Miz had been wrestling in arenas for 5 years, Bryan had been wrestling in high school gyms for 10.  While Bryan has improved a lot since he first started out, he still hasn't put on as many standout matches as Miz has had in the same amount of time.  While it's true Miz has been afforded more oppurtunities than Bryan, Bryan has still yet to prove why he had the moniker of "best in the world" during his time in ROH.  Perhaps he was the best guy ROH had at the time, but that's not saying much.

10. As Wade Barrett said on Twitter, "Daniel Bryan is a briefcase wanker"

I don't want to be negative against mah bhhoooy Deeee-Bryaaaan, otherwise I'll start to remind myself of the losers who run guys like Mason Ryan into the ground without giving him a chance.  I hate people who are overly critical of others, and I respect the hell out of all wrestlers for what they do, including Daniel Bryan.  What I will do is give some pointers to him for when he inevitably reads this article, on how to change up his character and make himself more appealing as a WWE wrestler.

1. Get a new theme, one like your original, one that has NOTHING to do with the Ride of the Valkyries.  If you're that obsessed with the song, let me point out to you that the composer, Richard Wagner - while brilliant - was an anti-semite.  Unless you're going to change to a Neo-Nazi gimmick then drop the fuckin' thing because it isn't getting over and never will.

2. Speaking of your entrance, stop doing the side skip thing you do when you come out.  I get you're a babyface, but you don't have the charisma other small guys like Jericho have.  That's not something to be ashamed of - use it to your advantage.  Look at someone like Chris Benoit who also had no charisma, but still got over.  Make yourself deadly serious in your approach and start that by changing your ring entrance.

3. You have to admit to yourself you're a small guy and take advantage of that fact, not try and hide it.  Mysterio got over because he used his size to his advantage and you should do the same - use sneaky, fast paced moves more and less hard-hitting moves.  While the kick to the chest looks cool, using it every match makes it gimmicky and takes you out of the realism of the match - something a wrestler of your type shouldn't be doing.  Use way more submission moves.  You're supposed to be the submission master, but you barely use as many as you should.  You have to give the illusion your opponents are worried you can lock them into a submission at any time, so use easy ones that you can reverse moves into doing - like the ankle lock, armbar and other such holds.

4. Shave the damn beard off, it looks ridiculous and plays into the coffee shop barista-vegan stereotype.  While it's cool to promote veganism (I'm a meat-eater but I admire vegans for their strength of character and beliefs), it's not bad-ass, which is the illusion you  need to convey.

5. In your promos, less can be more.  Come across as more cold and distant rather than your every day self.  It will give you an edge.  The over-the-top intensity in your matches is stupid and looks fake.  Study the likes of Randy Orton on how to come across as intense without going crazy all over the place.  Make it look as though the intensity is festering inside you, don't just randomly start screaming and jumping all over the ring looking like a spoilt brat child.

See, there's potential in you yet kid.  One day you can make it, because I see the drive in ya.  But you've gotta take a step back, humble yourself and .  Just because 20% of the audience are chanting Daniel Bryan doesn't mean you're over - that just means the internet like you because the dirt sheets have told them to.  The other 80% could care less.  But don't let that get you down, you're on your way to the top and definitely better than you were this time a year ago.  I believe in you..

Now hit my fuckin' music *drops mic*