How I Would Book WrestleMania 28

If Vince McMahon were to approach me today and say, "D, I need your help.. all my writers suck and you're my only shot at getting WrestleMania 28 right.  It's a big year, so please, I'll give you anything you want.  Money, fame, private jets - you name it, you've got it," I would reply, after much hesitation to keep him on the edge of his seat, "Sure Vince, here's how it will go.."

John Cena vs. The RockPretty self-explanatory, and destined to be perhaps the biggest spectacle in wrestling since Andre vs. Hogan at WrestleMania 3.  How I would book the finish?  It all depends on what The Rock's contract status is, so I won't guess at this one and leave it up to Vince to decide.
Winner: ???

The Miz vs. CM Punk - WWE TitleDespite having a match with Punk at TLC, Miz has rarely met Punk anywhere in WWE and the two could hit gold in a feud with one another leading up to Mania.  The Miz can be John Laurinaitis' ultimate yes-man, the clean image, the workrate outside the ring we all know about, his corporate style and distinct WWE style.. Punk is the anti-thesis to The Miz, with an indie background and an indie attitude to boot.  However, put the two together and you will get gold - both are just as good as the other as bringing opponents down on the mic, and their mic-work leading up to WrestleMania could make this feud a must-see.  I would have Miz win the belt at Mania and retain his slowly-building WrestleMania win streak.
Winner: The Miz 

Big Show and Shaq vs. Mark Henry and Kane - Tag Team TitlesIt seems fair to say that Shaq is going to appear in some form at Mania, but instead of the Big Show heel turn that everybody is expecting, how about the two team up to form the "World's Largest Tag Team" and take on.. Mark Henry and Kane for the titles.  A true battle of four monsters, but nothing too serious - simply a quick celebrity match.  Have Henry and Kane pick up the tag belts some how before Mania and then face off against Show and Shaq for the belts - giving the belts, and the match a little bit more meaning.  Oh, and have Shaq and Show win the belts for excitement purposes - they can drop them on Raw the night after if needs be.  Perfect filler match inbetween The Miz-Punk and the following..
Winner: The Big Show and Shaq

Undertaker vs. Chris JerichoEveryone is expecting a Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk match, but I believe this would be a much better and more exciting match for Jericho to work.  It seems as though Jericho's return is only for the short term, as he has work commitments booked with Fozzy in the near future.  It would seem fruitless to put him in a WWE title match, as that title should be reserved for guys who are working regularly.  Jericho and Taker are both masters at their game and could steal the show with this match.  It would also give Jericho's creepy "end of the world" videos some meaning, as they could relate it to Undertaker in some fashion.  Of course, Taker wins this match, and he goes 20-0 at 'Mania.
Winner: Undertaker 

Divas Battle RoyaleJust to get all the divas on the card and all get a pay-day, a divas battle royale, or 5-man tag team match, or whatever they have to.  Filler match inbetween the main events.
Winner: err... Khama as a surprise entrant, if she's available

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton - Intercontinental Title vs. World TitleI was surprised that Rhodes and Orton didn't feud in this past year on Smackdown together, as it seemed to be written in the stars when Orton made the draft move to the Friday night show.  However, it could be that they are saving Rhodes/Orton for 'Mania and beyond, and I would be happy if that were the case.  We saw them briefly feud on Smackdown and they had a PPV match, but it could have been so much more - and that could be the case at 'Mania.  I'd love to see Cody Rhodes win the Royal Rumble and, as he hilariously said on Smackdown "Do a Ultimate Warrior.. though that could mean many things..."  Of course, he means win the World Heavyweight Title.  I'd love to see the IC title up for grabs here too, giving more meaning to the match.  If Cody won this, he would be in line to be the next big star on par with Randy Orton or John Cena and the next face of the WWE - and that would be.. dashing. 
Winner: Cody Rhodes 

Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett
Like the above match, Sheamus and Wade Barrett is a feud I expected to see more of on Smackdown this year, but we only saw glimpses of it.  Of course, they are feuding going into the Rumble, and both seem to be favourites to win it, but I would prefer to see them lightly feud until the weeks before WrestleMania, at the Rumble and then in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match (which Orton would win the World Title in).  Then in the build up to WrestleMania, they could turn this into a great grudge match - both are roughly the same size, both are brilliant on the mic and both are distinct heel and faces who get the right reactions from the crowd.  All the makings of a mid-card WrestleMania match that needs to happen.  I pick Sheamus for the win, as it's 'Mania and the babyfaces tend to win.
Winner: Sheamus 

Money in the Bank - Christian, Daniel Bryan, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, Zack Ryder, Rey Mysterio, HunicoThey didn't book a MITB for last year but with the roster being stacked full of quality talent more so than last year, it seems the right thing to do to squeeze the likes of these competitors onto the card - most of whom have been in PPV main events over the course of the last year.  Let's see Ziggler win this one here and get the big push that all MITB winners have had before him.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler 

Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston - US TitleThese two have worked great matches in the past and Kofi deserves a singles match after having been forced to tag team with the incompetent Evan Bourne for the last few months or so.  Give Kofi the win here for another babyface win to keep the fans happy.
Winner: Kofi Kingston 

Dark Match Battle Royale
The annual dark match battle royale.  Won't bother listing all the Superstars and NXT alumni, but have Santino Marella win to get the show off to a good start.
Winner: Santino Marella

So there we have it, the ultimate card for WrestleMania 28.  I'll be waiting for my seven figure cheque in the mail, Vince...

WWE and TNA should look to UFC in their approach to PPV promotion

It is no question that the PPV industry is in decline in the wrestling industry, with increasingly negative numbers for both WWE and TNA being revealed every so often.  Though streaming is a big part of the problem, it also comes down weakly promoted PPVs, something that can be easily changed.

WWE have tried to spice things up by introducing several "gimmick" PPVs, in where the main events are based around popular gimmick matches.  Hell in a Cell, Elimination Chamber and TLC are a few examples of this. TNA have stayed true to their typical 12 PPVs a year, most of them inseperable from the others and all with a late 90's Attitude Era-style tacky name.  Sacrifice, Hardcore Justice and others that I can't even remember.

Neither of these approaches to PPV's is the right idea and what both WWE and TNA need to look to is how UFC promote their PPV names.  UFC 141: Lesnar vs. Overeem, for example. I'm not suggesting they start with event names such as "TNA 132" or "WWE 1049 (did you know: the longest running PPV series in history!)".  Instead, start booking PPV's around the main event of each show, and come up with a new PPV title each time.

For example, can you remember the main event of WWE No Mercy 2008?  I'd hazard a guess that you don't (congratulations if you do, you win this prize), but the main event of that PPV was a brilliant ladder match for the World Heavyweight Title between Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels, as part of their epic 2008 feud.  But if WWE had gone with a PPV name like this:

No Mercy: Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

It is much  more likely you would remember that PPV in the long run and it would give PPV's a much bigger feel to them than they already have.  To make it even better, each PPV should have an individual name, rather than re-using names such as No Mercy, Unforgiven, Backlash etc. over and over again, to the point they become forgettable.

Look at the WWE PPV Badd Blood.  The name, until 2003, was only used once in 1997 and everybody who has been watching wrestling since that era will be able to tell you that was the PPV of the Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker Hell in a Cell match, because it stands out in the memory.

Of course, both TNA and WWE should keep their big annual PPV's - for WWE, they have to keep Royal Rumble, WrestleMania, Summerslam and Survivor Series, the traditional big 4.  Make the other 8 as part of this system.  TNA should keep Lockdown, Slammiversary and Bound For Glory, but for sure they should start a new system of PPV naming.  Why do they think fans want to see PPV's like "victory road" or "turning point" every year - names that just scream "this PPV is worthless"

Another thing that would benefit PPV's by simply changing the format of the name to something like UFC does, is that it would promote an ultimate main event on each show.  Of course in wrestling, every match is - or at least supposed to be -  booked to be exciting and part of the overall show which you watch from start to finish.  In UFC or boxing, viewers often tune in just to see the main event fights.  Wrestling shows have got to a point where they often have 2, 3, sometimes even 4 big main events on one show.  The problem is, this doesn't make the whole show seem bigger - it just waters down all the main events and suddenly the PPV is smaller, not bigger than it should be.  If each PPV had the ultimate main event promoted in its title, this would make each card feel unique and seem like a big deal.

This is obviously not the only thing that could help PPV business, as online illegal streaming is the biggest problem that wrestling promotions face, but I think it is a small step that could benefit either TNA or WWE.

Angle Of The Year Award 2011 - WDAFEISE

This Washington David Awards For Excellence In Sports Entertainment award, Angle Of The Year, goes to the best angle or feud within the last year.

5. Cody Rhodes' Broken Nose
Who would have thought a legitimate injury suffered by Cody Rhodes would have propelled him to the unforeseen heights he finds himself in today.  As the year of 2010 came to a close, Cody was one of the bright sparks on Smackdown, with his funny "Dashing" gimmick - but it wasn't until he came back with a protective mask that we saw the best of what he had to offer.  A long feud with Rey Mysterio also helped, with Cody beating Rey at WrestleMania in one of the best matches of the night, followed by a brilliant falls count anywhere match at Extreme Rules.  But it was Cody's promos that had us all enthralled, and his way with words payed off for him as he has become a regular in the opening promo slot on Smackdown.  His transformation and evolution over the year added much depth to his character, that when the mask finally came off, he didn't have Kane syndrome and suddenly become stale, or bald - but infact he became even better.  Little mannerisms like his face twitching and his nasal, "Whaaat"-repellent promo style remained and surely enough his character transformation will continue in to 2012 and result in a main event run sometime after WrestleMania.

4. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett/Karen JarrettOne thing many wrestling fans complain about is short-sighted, hot shot angles that run their course in a matter of 1 or 2 months, but the Angle-Jarrett feud of 2011 was one that dated back to 2010 when Jarrett began his Double J, Double M-A gimmick, mocking Angle before his comeback by utilising his ankle lock submission.  In fact, it  went even futher back than that, with Karen Jarrett (nee Angle) being one of the cental plot devices in this grudge feud, and we all know the story there.  Aside from the introduction of Chyna at one point, this angle was perfect throughout and we were spoiled with great match after great match between the two veterans.  When you put together two guys who are unarguably two of the best wrestlers of all time, along with the fact that they are both fantastic on the mic (including Karen Jarrett, who was probably even better than both) - magic happens, and so it did.  The Lockdown cage match was the highlight of the feud, in one of the matches of the year, but it continued on long after that right into the Summer in their final payoff fight on Impact in the parking lot brawl, which Angle as the face rightfully won.  People can criticise Russo and Bischoff all they like, but both guys know how to write a long, drawn out feud.

3. Michael Cole vs. Jerry LawlerAt the start of 2011, the must-see star of Raw was not infact the self-proclaimed "must-see" WWE champion, The Miz.  It was the "voice of the WWE", Michael Cole.  With seemingly a new crowd-riling catchphrase born every week, Cole was one of the stars of Raw - talking over every boring mid-card and divas match, keeping the viewers engaged throughout the show with his heel antics.  But when he started cutting promos in the ring on Jerry Lawler, after costing him the WWE title, Cole propelled himself into the main event of the WWE - a place nobody a year ago would have expected him to be.  For he was just the lowly, goodie two shoes commentator who had no personality of his own, except to schill the next PPV with a soulless, drab voice.  Cole had become the best heel in wrestling since JBL, universally hated by marks and smarks alike, a fear rarely achieved.  With only  0.5-1% of viewers enjoying the new "vintage" Cole, we became known as the "Cole Miners".  He stood for everything we believed in wrestling and everything on our minds, he dared to say it,  every week.  Daniel Bryan - boring midget with no charisma.. Jim Ross - fat, arrogant buffoon who can't put two words together anymore.. Jerry Lawler - 10 years past his sell by date.  And nobody could touch him, because he was in the sacred space known as the Cole Mine.  He won at WrestleMania after getting a beat down and even when Cole naturally lost his feud, it was fun to watch him get his just deserts and see JR spray BBQ sauce all over him - because he sold it better than anyone.  Quite simply, Cole was, for half of 2011, the best heel in wrestling for the last 5 years.

2. John Cena vs. CM Punk
Another boring, stale Raw was coming to a close in the breezy Summer of 2011, in a main event match I can barely remember - just that John Cena was in it - and then out came CM Punk, donned in a Stone Cold t-shirt of all things, and proceeded to cut one of the best promos of the year, one that set the internet ablaze... Punk had, in his own words, "broken the 4th wall".  Still a heel at the time, Punk became the anti-establishment "voice of the people" and dared to rail against the WWE, Vince Mcmahon, The Rock and of course John Cena.  The year could have easily been a boring one, with the main event of WrestleMania 28 already set as Cena vs. The Rock, but WWE dared to do something out of the ordinary for two months or so it paid off.  We got two of the matches of the year in Cena-Punk I and Cena-Punk II and the chemistry between both men was what made the feud.  But Punk wasn't the only piece - John Cena played his part just as well.  Make no mistake about it, Cena helped elevate Punk to the level he is at today by being the "New York Yankees" guy.  And even though the current CM Punk on Raw is a shadow of his former self, for those 2 months with Cena, he was the most exciting thing in wrestling for a long time.  The world was tuning in just to see what CM Punk had to say each week.  Though we all knew he wasn't truly "shooting" to a full extent, our disbelief was suspended just for a short time and we were able to watch as we did as children, believing there was some legitimacy in everything that was happening - and that is when wrestling is at its best...



1. John Cena vs. The Rock (Winner)
...which is why John Cena vs. The Rock is the best angle of the year.  Is there a legitimate beef between Cena and Rock?  Maybe, maybe not - but making the comeback of the year, Rock's admittedly brilliant comeback promo quickly made a target of John Cena set the tone for the rest of the year.  For an angle that is barely in its infancy stages, it shows just how grand a feud it is for it to be the winner of this prestigious award.  Even CM Punk vs. John Cena itself was in part inspired by this feud, as Rock's (real) name (Dwayne) was all over their semi-shoot promos every week.  Cena, Punk, Orton and others have all come out saying that Rock is nothing more than a glorified celebrity guest host, which may be true - but it doesn't stop the fact that Cena and Rock is the feud of 2011, going into 2012.  Every angle involving Cena on Raw throughout the year has been touched in some way by this feud - including his current "Rise Above Hate" angle ongoing with Kane.  As much as the main event (and whole show) of WrestleMania 27 sucked, it was made up for the fact that we were promised the dream match of Cena-Rock the year after, in The Rock's hometown of Miami.  A match nobody can truly predict in any way.  Who will win?  Will Cena be heel going into the match, and if not will he turn heel?  Will Cena get booed out of the building?  As disappointing as Survivor Series main event of Cena/Rock vs. The Awesome Truth was, WrestleMania should be different - perhaps, in the immortal words of Tony Schiavone, the greatest match in the history of our sport.

Honorable mentions: Orton-Christian, Mark Henry's Hall of Pain, Hogan-Sting, Bound For Glory Series, R-Truth goes insane

Most Improved Star Of The Year Award - Washington David Awards For Excellence In Sports Entertainment

This Washington David Awards For Excellence In Sports Entertainment award, the Most Improved Star Of The Year, goes to the most improved wrestler or wrestling personality in the last year.



6. Bully Ray

Bully mother f'n Ray.  The best promo guy in the wrestling business, officially.  Brother/Bubba/Bully Ray was always a great trash talker as part of The Dudleyz/Team 3D, but he has really come into his own as a singles wrestler this year since turning heel on D-Von.

And while you could say Bully Ray is one of the best on the mic, it would be foolish to say he is a bad in-ring worker.  Having gotten into shape and dropped a lot of fat this year, The Bully - as Mike Tenay affectionately refers to him as - has had quite a few top matches including a match of the year candidate with AJ Styles in their last man standing bout.

After a great career as a tag team wrestler, Bully Ray has found his niche as a singles star and elevated himself to a position where fans are craving to see him win a world title.  As The Bully said in a backstage promo during his initial push earlier this year, in other words: "I would love to win the World Title.. can you imagine how pissed the wrestling world would be if Bully Ray was World Champ?"

While many smarks would have been pissed off at the time if that had come true, even smarks have some sense and they too have come around to Bully Ray being one of the best wrestlers in the business today.  Who says only push youth?

5. James Storm
While Beer Money were the best tag team of 2010, the former TNA tag team champions got over on their superb wrestling abilities in their long series of matches with the Motor City Machine Guns.  Everyone knew James Storm and Bobby Roode could go in the ring - but what everyone did not know was just how good James Storm was on the mic.

Clearly the Shawn Michaels to Bobby Roode's Marty Jannetty, James Storm was the breakout star of Beer Money during the Bound For Glory series finale - in which Bobby Roode undeservedly won.  Just like Bully Ray is currently doing, James Storm carried Bobby Roode as a singles wrestler via his microphone skills, putting over his tag team partner in the build for his TNA World Title match at Bound For Glory with Kurt Angle.  It became obvious who the real talent of the group had been all that time.

Though Storm is not as ripped as his former tag team partner, part of his appeal is his everyman look.  A little on the fat side he may be, but it doesn't stop him from looking twice as tough and a more legitimate threat in the ring than Roode does since his cliched and uninspired heel turn.

Winning the world title, albeit for a brief amount of time, was clearly the highlight of Storm's year and his whole career.  Roode may have stole his thunder for now, but when the TNA bookers realise Storm has more potential to be a main event player, he will be right back up there with the best of them.  A win over Kurt Angle at the latest PPV shows he isn't done on top just yet.

4. Cody Rhodes
When Cody Rhodes first appeared on Raw all those years ago, getting slapped by Orton before being schooled by Hardcore Holly - it seemed that the current Intercontinental Champ was just another undeserving and pathetic-looking 2nd generation star who had got a WWE contract through family links alone.

How wrong was I, as Cody Rhodes has since elevated himself to become an almost permanent fixture in my fave five.  While he was decent in Legacy, Rhodes really took off in 2010 when drafted to Smackdown - debuting his "Dashing" gimmick.  After cutting a hilarious semi-shoot promo on the fat, wasting Matt Hardy, people began to take notice of Dusty's son.

But he'll never be as good as Goldust, they cried.  How wrong they were.  While the "Dashing" gimmick was fun, the best was yet to come - as at the beginning of 2011 the new Cody Rhodes was born.  "Hideous" and "Grotesque" were the words standing out from his titantron video.  After legitimately breaking his nose, Rhodes was forced to wear a protective mask which he worked into his character and so began a 4-month feud with Rey Mysterio in where Cody showed his real signs of being a future world champion.

Since his "Undashing" gimmick, a series of excellent matches and brilliant promos, Rhodes has emerged as one of the brightest talents in the WWE and for sure a world champion sometime in 2012. He has elevated the status of the IC title, just as he said he would do and brought more credibility to that belt than Daniel Bryan has reduced credibility from the world title.

Now unmasked and with plenty of character depth, Rhodes has all the freedom and potential to move up to the next level.  A long feud with a legitimate main eventer such as Randy Orton or John Cena in 2012 will take him there.

3. Mark Henry
When I try to think of the worst aspects of WWE in the past few years, the tag team of MVP and Mark Henry often come to mind.  While MVP was brilliant as the heel U.S. champion on Smackdown, tagging with Mark Henry in matching red outfits after a big losing streak was the sign of his demise, which would eventually see him leave for a new challenge in NJPW.

But Mark Henry didn't even have that period in his career he could look back on that MVP had.  A feud or two with Undertaker and a run as ECW champion was okay, but nothing people would remember in 10 years time.  No, Mark Henry would undoubtedly be remembered as the guy who got Mae Young pregnant and subsequently became the proud father of.. a plastic hand.

Then, the 2011 draft came and Mark Henry was moved to Smackdown as one of the "big moves" shown on the draft edition of Raw.  A collective groan was emitted within the wrestling world, as a draft pick was seemingly wasted on the happy-go-lucky guy in the big red Kool-Aid outfit.  But their groans were about to be proven erroneous and short-sighed, as Mark Henry turned heel that very same night, clotheslining John Cena.

Big deal, we cried - Mark Henry sucks heel or face.  But how wrong we all were.  The world's strongest man went on to become one of the biggest draws of the year in WWE and the Smackdown ratings went in the opposite direction to Raw's - they rised.  Of course, there was more to that than just Mark Henry, but he was a vital ingredient in the success of Smackdown this year.  His feuds with Sheamus, Randy Orton and Big Show were all incredible and featured surprisingly good matches - a rare feat for such a big guy (especially 2 big guys, when it came to his matches with Big Show).  It was the first time in a long time the fans got to enjoy a dominant heel destroy everything in his path, and suddenly with his tough bastard ad-libbing and slapping up WWE production staff, Mark Henry felt fresh.  Then he became the World Champion and you know the rest.

2. Gunner
If you told me this time last year than Gunner would become one of my favourite wrestlers in TNA, I would have said: who's Gunner?  Oh, that guy who acts as security for Jeff Jarrett and Immortal?  He's a wrestler?

Fast forward to twelve months later, and Mr. Intensity is piledriving Garrett Bischoff onto the exposed concrete.  Concrete exposed by his new manager Ric Flair, no less.

He held the TV title for a while, but Gunner really had his breakout moment after pinning Mr. Anderson and Sting 2 weeks in a row, both of whom were the world champion at the time of defeat.  It seemed like he was about to break out as the next big thing in TNA and perhaps even wrestling as a whole.  His backstage promos were cold, calculating and believable.  His in-ring work was hard-hitting and exciting.

But his push was put on hold and not even featured in the BFG series, a (fake) undefeated streak (17 wins and 3 losses) that Gunner deserved was given to the drab, boring Crimson.  When a wrestler is named after the colour of his hair, you know he has no distinguishable charisma.

Still, Gunner has re-emerged towards the end of the year and now being managed by Ric Flair after Immortal has crumbled into ashes, a big feud with Garrett Bischoff going into 2012 is just the ticket to get him back on the map.  Do I smell a World title next year?

1. R-Truth (Winner)



If a heel turn ever saved someone's WWE career, it was R-Truth in 2011.  The phony "What's Up" rapping entrance, which was boring from the moment it was conceived, gave way to one of the funniest and most charismatic superstars in wrestling today.

John Morrison was hit with the Jannetty curse for a 2nd time, as after Miz had gone on to greatness after Miz 'n' Morrison, R-Truth went on to main event another 2 PPV's this year after turning heel and blowing smoke in his former tag team partner's face.  Having already been in 2 main events (if you count the Royal Rumble) - R-Truth took his tally to an impressive 4 PPV main events after turning heel - a WWE title match with John Cena at Capitol Punishment, the PPV which was built around Truth himself.  And then being involved in the Survivor Series main event against the returning Rock as part of The Awesome Truth with The Miz.  A dream year for a guy who this time last year was rapping to fat kids in the audience "What's up?" to which they would reply in their high-pitched voices, and off-time with the music  "...What's up?"

But it isn't just Truth's stellar mic work and gimmick that needs to be recognised - his in-ring work has for a long time been great.  He just needed this gimmick and the feuds he has had this year to compliment his wrestling abilities.  Now that he has been suspended (for smoking weed presumably), he could come back as heel or face and his gimmick would work either way and suit his in-ring style, such is the genius of his new creation.

And so I could go on about how funny Truth's promos were and how he was the greatest thing in wrestling for a number of months - the reason to tune in  to Raw every week - but the best thing I could do is post up a video.  So here it is:



One last thing that really shows how high Truth set the bar this year - he actually made the "WHAAAAAT?" chants become something funny to appreciate and laugh along with, instead of being tired and old.  Dont what me!

My Review of TLC

Ten reasons why Daniel Bryan sucks and five pointers on how he can become good

Ever since Daniel Bryan came to the WWE, all I have heard from people is how great he is, how he is the best worker in the business today.  While Bryan is indeed a fine worker in the ring, there are a number of reasons he is nowhere near up to par with all the former Money in the Bank briefcase holders.  Ten reasons to be precise..

1. He looks like a pretentious art student, not a wrestler.  As Michael Cole wisely said, he looks like he should be a barista in a coffee shop.  Probably a vegan one.

2. He is almost on par with Rey Mysterio for size but tries to get over using moves like kicks instead of speed and high flying.  His kicks don't look tough, they look weak and ineffective.

3. He says he is a submission master, but I've only ever seen him perform 3, maybe 4 submission moves in a WWE ring.  How many credible opponents has he made tap?  Not many.  The Lebell lock looks like a weak version of the Crippler Crossface.  Even Hunico (as the fake Sin Cara) did a better version of the Lebell Lock on Bryan that made the "submission master" look lame by comparison.

4. When Daniel Bryan gets "intense" in his matches I don't recall the likes of Chris Benoit or Goldberg, instead I think of when Jamie Noble used to get angry in his matches.  He looks like a midget comedy figure, not a bad-ass.

5. He has one of the corniest theme tunes ever, based on a flamboyant Wagner piece and the production of the track sounds as bad as a TNA theme.  His debut theme in WWE was great, but he buried it in one of his trademark dull promos by calling it a "generic rock song" and ever since then he has had an array of crap themes that don't make him look like a bad-ass at all.  They make him look like a joke.

6. Stupid people slate Cena for having only "5 moves of doom", but Bryan is even worse.  A running flip off the turnbuckle, followed by ducking a clothesline then hitting his own clothesline.  The same kicks to the chest while his opponent kneels in every match.  The Lebell lock and the Cattle Mutilation which he can never lock in properly because he's too small (so he ends up just stamping on his opponent's thighs instead) - that's only 4 moves of doom, even worse than Cena.  Unless you count the flip off the turnbuckle, then you've got your 5.

7. When Michael Cole stands face to face with Bryan, Cole looks like the tougher son of a bitch.  Cole cuts a much better promo.  Cole is overall better star than Daniel Bryan...  Cole is an announcer, not a wrestler!

8. His promos are boring and the only time he has ever had a decent promo is when Michael Cole has carried him through one.

9. When he first came to the WWE he had an arrogance that he was better than his NXT "pro" The Miz.  He wasn't, and still isn't.  The Miz had been wrestling in arenas for 5 years, Bryan had been wrestling in high school gyms for 10.  While Bryan has improved a lot since he first started out, he still hasn't put on as many standout matches as Miz has had in the same amount of time.  While it's true Miz has been afforded more oppurtunities than Bryan, Bryan has still yet to prove why he had the moniker of "best in the world" during his time in ROH.  Perhaps he was the best guy ROH had at the time, but that's not saying much.

10. As Wade Barrett said on Twitter, "Daniel Bryan is a briefcase wanker"

I don't want to be negative against mah bhhoooy Deeee-Bryaaaan, otherwise I'll start to remind myself of the losers who run guys like Mason Ryan into the ground without giving him a chance.  I hate people who are overly critical of others, and I respect the hell out of all wrestlers for what they do, including Daniel Bryan.  What I will do is give some pointers to him for when he inevitably reads this article, on how to change up his character and make himself more appealing as a WWE wrestler.

1. Get a new theme, one like your original, one that has NOTHING to do with the Ride of the Valkyries.  If you're that obsessed with the song, let me point out to you that the composer, Richard Wagner - while brilliant - was an anti-semite.  Unless you're going to change to a Neo-Nazi gimmick then drop the fuckin' thing because it isn't getting over and never will.

2. Speaking of your entrance, stop doing the side skip thing you do when you come out.  I get you're a babyface, but you don't have the charisma other small guys like Jericho have.  That's not something to be ashamed of - use it to your advantage.  Look at someone like Chris Benoit who also had no charisma, but still got over.  Make yourself deadly serious in your approach and start that by changing your ring entrance.

3. You have to admit to yourself you're a small guy and take advantage of that fact, not try and hide it.  Mysterio got over because he used his size to his advantage and you should do the same - use sneaky, fast paced moves more and less hard-hitting moves.  While the kick to the chest looks cool, using it every match makes it gimmicky and takes you out of the realism of the match - something a wrestler of your type shouldn't be doing.  Use way more submission moves.  You're supposed to be the submission master, but you barely use as many as you should.  You have to give the illusion your opponents are worried you can lock them into a submission at any time, so use easy ones that you can reverse moves into doing - like the ankle lock, armbar and other such holds.

4. Shave the damn beard off, it looks ridiculous and plays into the coffee shop barista-vegan stereotype.  While it's cool to promote veganism (I'm a meat-eater but I admire vegans for their strength of character and beliefs), it's not bad-ass, which is the illusion you  need to convey.

5. In your promos, less can be more.  Come across as more cold and distant rather than your every day self.  It will give you an edge.  The over-the-top intensity in your matches is stupid and looks fake.  Study the likes of Randy Orton on how to come across as intense without going crazy all over the place.  Make it look as though the intensity is festering inside you, don't just randomly start screaming and jumping all over the ring looking like a spoilt brat child.

See, there's potential in you yet kid.  One day you can make it, because I see the drive in ya.  But you've gotta take a step back, humble yourself and .  Just because 20% of the audience are chanting Daniel Bryan doesn't mean you're over - that just means the internet like you because the dirt sheets have told them to.  The other 80% could care less.  But don't let that get you down, you're on your way to the top and definitely better than you were this time a year ago.  I believe in you..

Now hit my fuckin' music *drops mic*

Review of Chris Jericho's book 'Undisputed'

After reading Vince Russo's beautiful and insightful tome "Forgiven" (review pending), I had the bug to read even more wrestling autobiographies.  Having recently acquired an Amazon Kindle I have been able to get wrestling books much more easily than I would have if I was still a paper book reading, tree murderer (by proxy).  So I got a bunch of them -  Eric Bischoff's, Bret Hart's, The Death of WCW etc...  And Chris Jericho's 'Undisputed'.

I've always been a big fan of Chris Jericho.  As a worker, he is without a doubt one of the best in the business.  His angle with Shawn Michaels when he turned heel in 2008 is one of my all time favourite wrestling feuds and the guy almost carried WWE on his back single-handedly during an era of blandness, Mcmahon million dollar give aways and Z-list Raw celebrity guest hosts (Al Sharpton).

However, Jericho's writing talents are not as sterling as his in-ring work is.  The book is laced with boring attempts at comedy and celebrity-mocking metaphors that sound like a bad Eminem b-side (".. as large as Snooki's hair", "..like Justin Bieber feeling his first titty").  Some of the wrestling-based humour is funny, such as the constant digs at Mick Foley in brackets whenever his name comes up, or the list of silly names for Goldberg in Jericho-promo style (Goldfinch, the Bergmeister etc.) - but rarely did I raise a smile or laugh throughout the 400 or so pages (I don't know how many pages exactly, Kindles don't tell you how many pages you've read for some stupid reason - the only flaw of that beautiful machine).

The chapters on his run with WWE were good, and while I knew most of the backstage info already, there was some good bits I didn't know about that I found interesting.  The best part was him writing in general about his relationships with certain people throughout his career - Vince Mcmahon especially.  Vince seems to be the focal point of all wrestling autobiographies (he is the daddy after all) and reading Jericho's own take on the big boss was quite interesting.

One of the best parts of the book is right near the end, the chapter simply entitled 'Benoit'.  He gives his impressions of the man he grew up in the business with and called his friend, as well as the man he was at his time of death.  I found it to be very touching writing, as well as the chapters about his mother dying and Eddie Guerrero's death.  If the rest of the book had been as sober, I would have enjoyed it a lot more.

But 'Undisputed' was more inebriated than sober, with dozens of chapters detailing his boring drunken antics with rock stars I've never heard of (I'm not a big rock music fan), or his friendship with the Hollywood director Eli Roth and other such trivial crap I didn't care about.  If all this had been compressed into one or two chapters that would have been fine, but it ran throughout the course of the book.  You would be reading about Jericho's angle with Chyna one moment and then all about a Fozzy documentary the next.

While I respect Jericho has tried to attempt trying other career paths (and I'd love to see him do well 'cause he seems like a nice guy), when you write a book that will be bought 99% by wrestling fans - then 99% of the book should be about wrestling.  While I found it to be an easy read and there was interesting parts, I would only recommend it if you're a big Jericho fan or if you're willing to flick past the rock band fanboyism and drunken antics to get to the good stuff.  Vince Russo's 'Forgiven' was undisputedly much better (review pending).

Now hit my damn music.



Gotta say 'Enemy' is a tune

I'm Back!

So I was out with a torn quad for a few months but now, like masked Kane, I'm back.

And what a time to return as well, as the end of the year approaches.. It's awards season time!  The Slammies have just taken place this past monday on Raw - which as a show was a fun show, but the actual awards themselves sucked.  Over the next couple of weeks you will start to see me present the most prestigious awards in the history of our sport - the Smarkies.. or the Chickies..  Perhaps just the "Washington David Awards For Excellence In Sports Entertainment."

In the time I've been away I went to see Raw live in Liverpool which was my first ever live Raw.  That was fun and we had a great time despite being in the nosebleed seats.  My only disappointment was that Michael Cole didn't grace us with any mic time, but seeing him walk out at the beginning of the show was a pleasure, nonetheless.

Anyway, I've given you enough of my precious time already and I don't want to sour my return by overstaying my welcome - need to retain some of my enigmatic charisma.  So hit my damn music..

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly - 25th July WWE Raw

The first Raw of the "Triple H" era

The Good

• John Cena vs. Rey Mysterio
  All the people who say John Cena can't wrestle, John Cena only has 5 moves etc. were once again proved wrong tonight, as they were at Money In The Bank.  Obviously haters will continue to hate, and in a way it is good because it's one of the driving forces in the Punk/Cena angle - but this match was amazing for a TV match and was a much more exciting affair than the 1st title match of the evening.  Mysterio locking in the STF will probably be the most memorable moment, but overall the match was well worked as you would expect from these two top stars.

• CM Punk Appears
  This was an awesome moment and unexpected.  I think if anyone was expecting a swerve at the end, it would have been Del Rio cashing in his Money In The Bank briefcase and I doubt many saw this coming, even with Punk interrupting the Triple H press conference earlier in the week.  I didn't like the theme tune change, but having read that it was his original music in ROH it seemed like a cool idea.  'Cult of Personality' definitely fits the character of CM Punk.  I think Punk has arrived at the point where he can truly consider himself on the top level of stars now, along with John Cena and Randy Orton - the only other 2 current members of the WWE roster I consider to be at that top level.  And when are they going to put that white shirt on WWEshop.com?  I need it!

• Triple H
  I'm still undecided on whether it is a good move to have Triple H as the new on-air authority figure, but I'm tilted more towards it being a good thing right now.  The fact he is going to be on Smackdown as well this week is good too, as I'm sick of seeing Smackdown get the B-show treatment.  If you treat it like a B-Show, fans will think of it as a B-Show and stop watching.  The comedy bits with R-Truth were particularly funny and Michael Cole was awesome as usual with his delivery.

• Michael Cole
  While I'm a big fan of Michael Cole, I feel his time on commentary has run its course and it's time to move on.  Hopefully they transition him into a full time comedy-wrestler act, because he could actually have some engaging lower-card feuds and put guys like Zack Ryder over with his promo skills.  The main event was much better without Cole commentating on it and felt much more like a sport than an entertainment show, which is the difference between J.R. and Cole.  I also thought Cole coming out to King of Kings was hysterical.

• Dolph Ziggler
  I loved the Ziggler theme tune already, but this new remix with the guitar solo included is truly "perfection" for his character.  I loved Ziggler's ad-libbing, but I didn't really get the "follow that" bit.  Is that referring to Twitter?  I love seeing the sleeper come back as his finisher too, the Zigzag thing seemed ineffective to me.

The Bad

• The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio
  This match didn't really deliver and was definitely overshadowed by the later main event.  The fact it was on first

• Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio
  I understand why this needed to happen, since Del Rio lost to a mid-card guy last week and needed to regain his heat, but it isn't a match that should have been hyped throughout the show as if it was something special.

• John Morrison's Return
  I can't stand the guy, he's so dull and pointless and has had enough chances to prove himself and never done so.  The only good thing that could come out of this feud is if R-Truth gets more mic time (and Morrison hopefully gets none).

The Ugly

• Rey Mysterio's Champagne Celebration
  This champagne celebration after Mysterio winning the WWE title was so lame and corny - it made Rey look like a clown who only hangs around with NXT jobbers.  I didn't even know half the guys' names in the background since I haven't watched that show since the classic 3rd season.

• That guy from the beer adverts tattooing one of the Bella Twins
  I got a laugh out of it, but still.. it brought back dark memories of the celebrity guest GM days of yesteryear.

Overall Rating and Summary
Until the CM Punk reveal at the end of the show this felt like a disappointing Raw, but in retrospect it was pretty good.  I had negative feelings for most of the show because I didn't see the Punk reveal coming after the title match and felt like things had returned back to normal with them putting out a thoughtless, campy Raw - but more things made sense in the end and storylines developed further.  Setting up Cena-Punk II at Summerslam is awesome and I like the idea of them both holding a different title belt.  Raw is doing a great job at getting you to come back next week and see what happens at the moment and is rewarding hardcore fans who invest time in the product.
Mark: 7/10

How I Would Book John Cena vs. CM Punk at Money In The Bank, or what I think is going to happen

Since CM Punk's shoot-style promo on Raw a couple of weeks ago, the internet has been buzzing over the forthcoming match between John Cena and CM Punk for the WWE title.  If you've been living under a rock, the jist of it is that CM Punk's contract with WWE is due to expire and his final match will take place at Money In The Bank for the WWE title.  The big stipulation here is that Cena will be "fired" if he loses and Punk has claimed he will leave the company with the belt and namedropped 2 small-fry promotions, ROH and NJPW, along with a bunch of other guys like Colt Cabana to get the smarks wetting themselves.  So far, so good, but WWE is known to fuck up these hot angles (see Nexus), so I'm gonna help them out by giving them some free advice on how to book this epic feud of feuds.  Well, it's sort of a prediction too.

Plenty of insider references have been mentioned by all 3 men involved in the angle - Punk, Cena and Vince, and a lot has been made of the difference between the two opponents - Punk being the outside and Cena being the company guy.  Punk calling John Cena not the Boston Red Sox but the "New York Yankees", the "dynasty" and "everything that you hate" was a genius touch to set apart the difference between the two guys.

But there is one thing that both wrestlers share in common: they both hate The Rock.  Punk has shot out at the Rock legitimately through Twitter and on TV, referring to his "bad Disney movies", disrespectfully calling him "Dwayne" as Cena often does, as well as putting over Cena by comparing him to The Rock at a house show, basically calling out Rock for not being a wrestler, but an actor - just like Cena does.  But where am I going with this, you may be asking yourself..

The fact that this match is at Money In The Bank is no coincidence.  They could've ran this angle at any time in the past few months and I don't buy that Punk's contract is legitimately ending that very night.  This angle must have been planned long in advance, but there are too many things that add up to say this isn't something they've just thought up on the spot (which they often do), such as the PPV being in Chicago and the last Raw before it being in Cena's hometown of Boston.  Remember, in the weeks prior to this, Punk had kept hinting something "big" was coming, which means they knew well in advance what they were doing.



What I predict will happen in the finale is CM Punk will win the WWE title clean over John Cena to the adulation of his hometown crowd.  They have played up the fact this is Punk's hometown on Raw, something they wouldn't usually do as they try to keep Cena from taking a beating from the fans as much as possible. The Miz, accompanied by Vince, will come out and cash in the Money In The Bank contract and become a two time WWE champ.  But this is where the whole angle begins, rather than ends.

The following night on Raw I expect Vince to dress down Cena and go ahead and "fire" him for losing the WWE title to CM Punk and putting the WWE in jeapordy.  Cena will then be kayfabe out of contract, much like CM Punk and The Miz will be Vince's new golden boy.  There are things that I have seen hints of to make me believe that this is the plan - such as Cena putting Miz over as a guy who works hard for the WWE brand on his Twitter account.  Many believe Alberto Del Rio will win the match, but I think him becoming #1 contender on the 4th July Raw was a red herring to make you forget about The Miz.

This is where things get interesting, as one thing that has been buried in this whole feud is the fact that CM Punk is the leader of Nexus.  Nothing has been made clear about what is going to happen after Punk leaves and Nexus are left to fend for themselves and they haven't referred to it once on WWE television.  The history of Cena and Nexus is also no secret.  Bring up the Nexus angle and one immediately thinks of the 6-month feud between the faction and him.  Why am I mentioning Nexus though?  Because I believe that Cena will become not a heel, but an edgier outsider anti-WWE character and either join forces with CM Punk, a guy who despite their war of words, have shown one another some kind of mutual respect - and/or he will become the new leader of Nexus, who will return to being a strong anti-WWE faction like they originally were.

This whole angle goes back to what I mentioned earlier, which is The Rock.  Everyone knows Cena will get booed out of the building at Wrestlemania.  Despite the fact Cena cut some great promos and Rock's were not up to his high standards in their mini-feud pre-Wrestlemania, Rock still won over the majority of the fans and overshadowed the main event of Wrestlemania, John Cena vs. The Miz.  Having not been seen in a WWE ring for 7 years, it was understandable that fans would go crazy for his return, but The Rock harmed Cena even more than he would have by directly targeting him in his opening promo.  The anti-Cena bridgade has become even more vocal than ever since that moment and it will be the loudest it has ever been since the ECW One Night Stand in Chicago - by design!

So WWE have realised they need to do something about the Cena character, while still not effecting merchandise sales on his "fruity pebbles" t-shirts.  Instead of being fully heel, as leader of Nexus, Cena could remain in-character but feel hurt and bitter about how Vince treated him after working hard for years to put the WWE brand over (as he has mentioned in all the promos leading up to the PPV).  Now Vince has a new posterchild and has disposed of Cena, he feels betrayed that Vince only ever saw dollar signs in him.  He and Punk can agree with each other that Rock was only brought back for the money.  Here, Miz will be the full-blown heel and the anti-Cena fans will naturally begin to side with Cena and/or CM Punk as the outsider anti-heroes.  This angle can carry on easily til Wrestlemania, with Cena inevitably winning the WWE championship back before then and putting it on the line against The Rock.

Come Wrestlemania, the difference then will be the crowd will more likely be a hot-crowd and give Cena less of a bad time than they would if the worst of the worst happens on Sunday: Cena wins the belt and holds it all the way to Wrestlemania.  Let's hope they don't fuck it up this time!