Saturday, 24 December 2011

Power 23 - Final Week of 2011

The NSC Power 23, week 1, beginning Monday 19th December, ending Sunday 25th December (Christmas day.. merry christmas!)

23. Primo and EpicoThe WWE revitalising its tag team division is a good thing and it has the right idea - giving teams character that make them easily identifiable.  While Air Boom are the star power (albeit boring) team of the division, Primo and Epico are looking like a good filler team that that are simply based on their latino heritage.  They also put on good matches.  Rosa Mendes seems like she will be the real breakout star of the team however - she reminds me of a skinny, gyrating, GTA street hooker version of Vicki Guerrero with an even more annoying voice.

22. Jeff Hardy
It's been a pretty bad week for wrestling when Jeff Hardy makes it onto the Power 23 list.  But to be fair, he wasn't that bad this week.  His theme tune is the least annoying out of his 3 home-made theme tunes so far and teaming with Sting for the first time ever was a cool move.  The street fight was fun despite being hard to follow.  His promo work sucked and he looked devoid of charisma as usual, but I can look past that for one week and give him a spot on the sacred Power 23.  Hardy gets his "one more shot" - It is Christmas after all.. Merry Christmas, to each and every one of us :)

21. Sting
Sting wasn't particularly great on Impact this week, but he's getting by here on the list for his new catchphrase - "Ta-ta for now".. Who the hell thought that up?  It's fuckin' hilarious.  Not David Otunga carrying a coffee flask levels of genius, but it's good.  It was cool to see Sting wrestle again and I think he must be one of the only people in the wrestling business that can get someone over by pandering to them - as he did here with Hardy.  A respectacle number 21 position for the Insane Icon.  While the catchphrase is getting him by for now, he needs to pick up his act and get back to the winning ways of the summer during the height of his Insane Icon gimmick.

20. Alicia Fox
Probably the highlight of the diva's division in WWE at the moment, not that that is saying much.  But giving Beth Phoenix a big legit lump on her head made me laugh enough to get her into the Power 23 this week.  Been so sick of Beth and Natalya and that whole crew of smarky "good workers" including her pathetic boyfriend CM Punk.  As for Fox, the animal hat is good, as is her hilarious two line irrelevant promos that she is cutting after her matches lately.  Just about slips in at number 20.  Will she remain next week?  This is where things get tough.

19. James Storm
I have been loving James Storm as a singles wrestler since the Beer Money split, but he wasn't firing on all cylinders this week in his promo as he had been doing as of late.  It was good, but not up to his usual high standards.  It was really just a lead in for Kurt Angle's.  Really liking his theme and general attire though and he is 100 levels above Robert Roode.  Despite Roode being the current world champion, he is definitely the Marty Jannetty of Beer Money Inc.  Sorraaaaaay about yo' daaaaaamnnnnn luck..

18. The Usos
Like Alberto Del Rio, the magic of The Usos entrance is still not tiring for me.  They hit hard in the ring and with their new tribute to their father Rikishi move in the corner, they're getting more character with every match.  What the tag team division needs is guys like these and Epico and Primo to have a little bit of promo time backstage.  Just generic backstage altercations will suffice, just to give them all a bit of an edge and some appeal outside of just wrestling great matches.  Despite losing to Epico and Primo this week, they are still the star team of the growing division in my eyes and hopefully they will get a run with the straps sooner rather than later.

17. Madison Rayne
With Karen Jarrett sadly off our TV screens for the time being, Madison Rayne has stepped up to reclaim her position at the top of the ladder when it comes to women in sports entertainment.  The killer for me was when she called out the boring TNT (Tara and Tessmacher) tag team in her fake sweet voice before punctuating it with a screaming "NOW!"  Her theme is also still one of the best in wrestling today.. She's a killerrrrrr queeeeeen.  Her antics as referee were hilarious and unlike Daniel Bryan, she knows how to tell a story in the ring.  But the funniest thing about this whole segment was the Impact Zone chanting USA, USA, USA.  Seriously, whut tha heyull was that about?  The Impact Zone attendees looked especially retarded this week, with hardly a normal wrestling fan in sight (if such a person even exists).  Expect Madison Rayne to only rise in the coming weeks if she continues to have the spotlight shone on her with Karen Jarrett out of the picture.

16. Booker T
If Jerry Law had got up during a young rival's match and started throwing him off by singing, as Booker T did to Cody Rhodes on Smackdown, I would be pissed off at the cheap, babyface, crowd-pleasing antics on display.  But when Booker does these things, there's something that is actually hilarious about it.  I think it is just his general dimness on commentary and overall likeable persona that helps him pull off being the annoying babyface in his feud with Cody.  While Booker T has had a fantastic year - and if the Power 23 had existed, would have no doubt been on it throughout the whole year, with the greatest of ease, for his brilliant commentary work - he is beginning to fall slightly from where he should be.  Just slightly.

15. Eric YoungEric Young has taken the crown from Santino Marella of most naturally funny in-ring worker.  Not only that, his skits are superb too.  His dinner date with ODB this week on Impact had me in hysterics and the match was just as funny too.  ODB played a large part of this too and hopefully they continue to be a tag team for the coming weeks.  It was unfortunate to see Anarquia, who has bags of potential, getting pinned by ODB - but it was worth taking one for the team to get this great new team over.  Definitely a Vince Russo creation.

14. Teddy Long
Smackdown.  Friday night.  The wind was calm, the sun had fell and a lone wolf howled in the cold chill of the night.  And there fought Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan.  A good match, a fine bout indeed, but something was missing.  A vital ingredient missing to turn a passable dish into a great one of much succulence.  Two of the ingredients would eventually make their way into the pot - Big Show and Jack Swagger.  Fun, spices that tingled your tastebuds - but still - there was something missing.  Then, his music hits.  You know it's the Mac Militant.  The crowd are on their feet.  Biting their nails.. Parents, holding their children in anticipation and so they waited, patiently.  There, Teddy Long walks out onto the stage with a live microphone and raises it to his mouth to speak.  What could he possibly be about to announce?  What in the world has Teddy Long got in store for us humble peasants within the WWE universe?  The live crowd were baying, for something, for anything.  Tell us Teddy, what is to be your command?  What is it that you have come to tell us?  Then the Mac militant opens his mouth to speak and those three sacred, familiar words exit his mouth and boom over the arena's loud speaker like an orgasmic smack to the head.  Tag. Team. Match... Holla!

13. John CenaAs usual, John Cena is carrying Raw on his back and getting none of the credit for it.  As the ratings came out for what was one of the worst episodes of Raw I have ever seen, it was unsurprising to me to see that the trio of Punk, Ryder and Bryan made for the worst rated main event of 2011.  Cena and Kane's segment was one of the better rated of the show, and rightfully so.  The angle is probably the second most intriguing in WWE right now (first being the teaser videos for 2nd January) and Cena is doing just as much as Kane to make it so, with brilliant promos and great acting.  I wondered who Cena would feud with up til WrestleMania, and doubted we would get anything good - but this is the perfect fit for him.  Of course Cena will have to beat Kane clean eventually, and the same smarks who came in their pants for Daniel Bryan winning the World Title will cry foul at this - but he is in the biggest main event in history in 4 months time so of course he has to go in being the top dog.  Idiots.

12. Bully RayIf I had been writing this new, unique Power 23 concept for the past year, perhaps I would have got tired of writing how brilliant Bully Ray is on the mic.  But I haven't, so it is an absolute pleasure to tell you all, my humble legions of adoring fans, that Bully Ray is indeed the best master of the microphone in the wrasslin' business today.  Yeah, he's cut better promos this year - many.  But he was still gold here.  Russo has the right idea by pairing The Bully with the dullard champion Bobby Roode, who simply isn't getting over (except with the smarks, but who cares what they think).  He made Roode seem passable this week, which is a big big testament to the skills of Bully Ray.  He also helped carry the rookie champion through a tough main event, along with veterans Sting and Hardy.  While the smarks want a purely "new generation" across the board, little do they realise how much Bully Ray and others are helping this generation get over.

11. Wade BarrettWhile Vince is going senile and allowing his company to be trampled all over by the ratings-destroying trio of CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder, Wade Barrett and Randy Orton are quietly having one of the best feuds in the WWE right now.  Of course, the smarks are up in arms because Randy Orton has won a couple of matches - and by their logic since he is a main event star he should be losing every single match he has clean (yeah, you tell me..).   Barrett has stepped his in ring work up a level as of late and this version of their feud is much better than their forgettable one around this time last year on Raw, that culminated in the Survivor Series 2010 main event.  Expect to see this feud play out one day again in a few years, probably as a WrestleMania main event title match.

10. Randy OrtonJust edging Wade Barrett in their brilliant, attitude era-like feud is Randy Orton.  Credit has to be given to Orton for allowing himself to be booked into so many mid-card feuds and getting over all these guys for the future in the last year.  Of course, this dedication and loyalty should be rewarded with a WrestleMania title match (something I hope Daniel Bryan is no part of).  The backstage brawl on Smackdown was brilliant and felt like something from past eras.  Orton not saying a word as he methodically decimated Wade Barrett was brilliant and despite the fact some people write him off as being bad on the mic, Orton's general demeanor and presence is all that he needs to get by on.  Not everyone has to be The Miz or Chris Jericho.

9. Mark HenryA slight fall down the chart for Mark Henry, who has been a constant in my fave five for the past six months or so.  Losing the world title at TLC was painful for me to watch (especially when Daniel Bryan ended up becoming World Champion), but his promo work on Raw and Smackdown has been enough to redeem himself and keep him in the top 10.   It is unfortunate that he seems to have suffered a legit injury during the peak time of his career and I would loved to have seen him main event WrestleMania in a World Title match, but it seems that will no longer be the case.  One final match with Big Show at 'Mania would do it for me though, and hopefully that is where things are going.  Key moment of the week for the world's strongest man had to be the "Sexual Chocolate" chants on Raw.  I believe #sexualchocolate was trending on Twitter too.. Surprised WWE didn't brag about that one.

8. Dolph ZigglerDolph Ziggler's new sit-ups during his matches is yet another touch of genius to his brilliant work.  Those who say Daniel Bryan is the best worker in WWE clearly haven't seen Dolph Ziggler in action (or Orton, or Christian etc.).  In a week where he lost the title to the one-note Zack Ryder and lost another two matches on Raw and Smackdown - it is a testament to his developing mic work.  "Hashtag Heel" has to be one of the best catchphrases I've heard since Sting's "ta-ta for now" and certainly better than CM Punk saying "pipeboooomb" in his whining, nasally voice. I don't even want Ziggler to get his US belt back though and hopefully he does a walkout angle on his rematch with Ryder so he can look a level above him - as he is (he even shows him up on his own Youtube show).  Why?  Because it's time to put Ziggler in the WWE title picture.  This time last year he was feuding with Edge for the World Title on Smackdown.  Now it's time for him to go for the big one and take it off the ratings destroyer CM Punk.

7. Big ShowI've been surprised by how good Big Show has been since his return.  Like Mark Henry used to be, Big Show was always someone I dreaded appearing on the show.  Void of passion and boring, plodding matches used to be the usual fare with the man formerly known as The Giant, Big Show had not been relevant to me since the Jeri-show tag team.  But after his comeback from injury, Show has been one of the hottest commodities in WWE today.  His acting during his backstage interview with Josh Matthews was first class - who says wrestlers can't act?  Seeing that vanilla midget Daniel Bryan up next to him and Mark Henry in the ring was a blast, as it just showed who is a real superstar in this business and who isn't.  The feud with Henry is seemingly continuing - and good, because it has been great.  The added sound effects to the WMD haymaker on Smackdown really helps as well.  WWE production is brilliant as usual.

6. Cody Rhodes
Cody Rhodes losing to Zack Ryder on Smackdown, are you serious bro?  This week from hell has to end, and hopefully come tommorow's Raw it will have.  Ideally, Rhodes gets a big win over Ryder on Raw to get his heat back and elevate the status of the IC title above the US title - which is what should happen.  Cody, like Henry, is falling out of my fave five, but no doubt he will be back by next week.  Only by bad booking decisions has he fell to 8th place - which, in this tough climate of talented superstars - is highly commendable.  His entrance and theme tune are probably the best in the bizness right now.  That psychotic smile followed by the sudden grimace and furrowed brows is priceless.  And not in the Ted Dibiase (Marty Jannetty of Legacy) sense.  But I just remembered his match with Santino.  That was great, seeing Rhodes dominate and getting another clean win, further elevating himself and the IC title.  Let me bump him up to 6th.

FAVE FIVE TIME!

5. Kurt AngleApart from the first couple of weeks when he took out Crimson and some other jobbers, I haven't enjoyed any of Kurt Angle's heel work in TNA thus far.  However, all that changed on this week's Impact when he seemingly reverted back to his old WWE heel self and took on a bunch of rednecks in a hilarious skit that was blatantly written by the genius himself, Vince Russo.  That was enough for me to elevate Kurt Angle right into the Fave Five this week.

4. KaneKane is the most interesting thing on Raw right now and what he did to Cena was one of the most compelling moments on Raw for a long time.  Grabbing his face after a stiff uppercut and then ripping off the Rise Above Hate shirt.  It's the subtleness of this whole angle that intrigues me the most.  The new mask and synthetic hair are awesome and the initial metal mask that he removes after his ring entrance is even better.  Everyone knows Kane is one of the better in-ring workers in the WWE, along with Cena, and when the two finally hook up it is going to be one hell of a show.  See, this is wrestling.

3. David OtungaThe coffee flask, the bad sweaters, the bow-ties.  David Otunga is a future world champion, mark my words.  Right now though, he is brilliant in his #2 role as a corporate lawyer for Laurinaitis.  The promo he gave on Smackdown to call off Henry and Big Show's match was genius, replete with the phony, liberal Harvard lawyer voice that we all love to hate.  This is a real wrestling heel right here and given enough time, Otunga could be one of the top draws in WWE.  Landing himself in the prestigious bronze medal position on the first ever edition of the Power 23 is a testament to the brilliance of Otunga's work and his rise in the WWE from the days of NXT.

2. John LaurinaitisMr. Excitement continues to be one of the best things on Raw.  Towering above CM Punk in all his backstage scenes, Laurinaitis continually comes across as the sympathetic character to the annoying, spoilt brat teenager-like CM Punk, complete with the nasally voice and the "Look mom, I'm breaking the rules!" emo tattoos.  There was a time when CM Punk was regularly in my fave five and that was up until about August of this year when the arrogant arsehole of his real self became his on-screen persona.  Before then, he had been playful and funny - now, he is going the route of Kevin Nash in WCW days and burying everyone in his path with comments that only hinder the promotion as a whole and in turn, himself (such as calling out Del Rio's gimmick as being boring).  But at least Kevin Nash was funny, at least he had the brains to cut good, engaging promos.  When CM Punk pretends to vomit for two minutes, with not a single person in the audience laughing, the only funny thing about that is the hypocrisy of him telling Nash he was a ratings killer.  Look were the ratings are now Punk.  Now who is puking?  But this isn't all about Punk, this is about John Laurinaitis, Mr. Excitement.  The interim Raw general manager and the executive vice president of talent relations.  That last sentence alone being a catchphrase is enough to keep Laurinaitis at number two in my fave five.

1. Michael ColeSave us Cole.  Save us from this new era of mediocrity.  Save us from this gang of hyenas that have come out of nowhere and took all the belts while declaring "If you don't get it, you'll be left behind."  While the huge drop in ratings would dictate that CM Punk's statement is wrong and his vanilla midget troupe will infact be the ones left behind eventually, Cole is the only thing right now that is making Raw bearable to watch.  It is evident with the disgust in his voice that he has no respect for Daniel Bryan, just as the majority of the watching audience does not either.  When Jamie Noble with lighter hair wins the big gold belt, how are we supposed to watch and support the WWE?  We can't. So we turn to Cole.  And just like he has for the last year, Cole has turned terrible shows and awful angles into something watchable with his masterful commentary - dissecting the steaming plate of shit that Vince is sadistically serving us this Christmas for dinner.  Even the Little People's Court episode of Raw was better than this weeks piece of shit episode (God, I would have loved Cole to have been heel around that time for that episode).  Cole is just the #1 star in the WWE right now and I'd love to see him beat Daniel Bryan for the world title at some point down the line (in a comedy heel way before all you smark fools get on my case).  Come on Vince, give the fans what we want.  We're sick of this crap and not only that - we're sick of Jerry Lawler bringing down Cole's commentary at every oppurtunity.  Just fire the guy already, he's 10 years past his sell by date - and bring in Josh Matthews and Booker T to do both Raw and Smackdown with Cole, as the trio have natural chemistry together.

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